Lamppost Johnson, glowing dimlyIs about as tall as a standard chimneyHe’s as chipper as a kipper when the sun goes downHe lights up the room if the room is a road through a built-up town

Have any of you folks seen Jacket Potato?He’s the size of a very small honeydew melon?He was last seen with Chilli and a large stick of butterAnd we’re worried he’s thinking of filling himself

A drummer played a solo on the poppadom drumsIt was excellent but short and made the poppadoms crumbs

Carrot sticks the landingAnd everybody’s standingApplauding such a somersaultBy a very orange gymnastCarrot sticks the landing -The trick was quite demanding – And the judges smile and all give tensTo a very happy vegetable

Percival Plagiarist was one of the famousestWriters of original fictionHe published new works at an alarming rateAlarm which was very well founded

Train train train So often in the rain Unless it’s one of those underground ones In which case mostly dry

Golden and delicious, I am All Butter CroissantDon’t mistake my flaky bake for weakness or uncertainty.I’m fiercer than a muffin and a great strategic thinker,Superb at growing revenue and excellent with jam

Sheepskin Rug is as soft as a hugAnd hopelessly in love with the neighbourhood pug.She finds his faint wheezing incredibly pleasing,And his four legs remind her of the ones she used to have.

Oh look! A tangerineSitting in the fruit bowl.Larger than a clementineAnd smaller than an orange.Wowee! A tangerineRolling down the staircase,Looking like a bowling ballRolling down a staircase.Fucking hell, a tangerinePointing its gun at a bank clerk.It’s actually just a very tanned man,I mustn’t keep forgetting my glasses.

There in the corner sits District Line Train CarDrinking his sorrows away at the barHe dreamed of becoming a New York financierWith a big golden Rolex on his bright yellow handrailsOn his fifth whiskey is District Line Train CarHand on his Temple where his front doors don’t openTrying to pinpoint the relevant crossroadsThat sealed his…