Pistachio Nut is small and greenAnd dreams of being an ombudsmanHe’s mild and subtle and buttery smoothWhich he thinks would be welcomed by disgruntled complainants His teachers inform him he’ll need better gradesAnd to stop being quite so naive and insane“An ombudsman is always level-headed and sensibleYou’re destined to be snack food at an upper…

Bees Jellyfish Englishmen in New York

Ptolemy the monkey Was always feeling funky He did not like the produce At his local Italian deli Ptolemy the monkey Was a charcuterie junkie But the ham the local deli sold Was foul tasting and smelly

Clad in purple leather comes Aubergine Gina Ready for a busy day of couriering There are letters and parcels and the occasional subpoena  She’s pliant on the outside and mushier in Aubergine Gina in her pointy green hat Is enjoyed by vegetarians in many kinds of curry Couriering this way and couriering that Always in…

They asked him to plant a bandanna tree And he considered there might have been a typo He usually dealt with fruit and veg And he wondered where he’d source the seeds

Pincushion Bill is a very small man With a soft and pillowy exterior He absorbs the unpleasantries of many sharp pricks Which is how he got his nickname

That doorbell sound is Jonty McIntyre  Coming into the shoe shop He does it every Thursday  Wearing a smart suit and a smile He asks to try the size fourteens That we keep as an oddity in the window He does it every Thursday And his feet, at a push, are a nine His smile…